Joke of the day

[b_mason]

This guy was lonely and he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, (100-legged bug) which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

He asked the centipede in the box, 'Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?'

But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, 'How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?'

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and started shouting,

'HEY, IN THERE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK'S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?!'

A little voice came out of the box - 'I heard you the first time!

I'm putting on my fucking shoes'

[JEnfield]

Dad and Mom are in the bedroom having sex when thier small son opens the door mom afriad of what the small boy might have saw gets dressed and runs after him. She asked him what he had seen and the little boy asked her mommy what where you doing jumping up and down on daddy like that for. She replies you know your daddy has a big tummy and sometimes I have to do that to flatten it out. The little boys looks at her and said mom your wasting your time and Mom looks at him with a puzzled look on her face and asked why? He tells her after all the hard work to flatten it out and when shes done and goes out shopping the lady next door comes over gets down on her knees and blows it right back up .

Jimmy